When I got married 12 years ago to the most wonderful
man on the face of the earth, I had zero
intentions of starring in my own reality series of “HUSBAND and Children MAKEOVER “. I mean I was staring in our own personal
drama before reality shows were even cool. I slowly
fell captive to trying to makeover and change everyone around me instead of the
one person that needed to change.
One of my favorite “help” books of all times is
Power of the Praying Wife. I remember
the day when my precious mother-in-law gave me these books. My first thought was oh no this is going to
be bad. His own mother is trying to pass the baton to me and give me a book to
change him. So when we hit our first storm. I picked that book up knowing with
every fiber in my body who needed the changing. I was on the mission to
Makeover and Change that man. Little did I know, that the first chapter was
going to be all about changing me. I mean really Stormie? If you want women to read this you might want
to throw them a bone or two. Just
Kidding! While most people could knock
that chapter out in like 15 minutes and move on. It has taking me a life- time.
The first time of what I like to call the pounding on the potter wheel for me
took a good solid month of ready just chapter one. CHANGE YOU! I mean when I picked this book up I was ready to hit my knees and change everything I saw that could be better. It is so funny how we get sucked into envy and wanted our marriage or kids to be something that maybe is not what God wants or needs. The sooner you can lay the facade down and embrace what God has for you the better it will be. So go ahead get off that hamster wheel and embrace what God wants your family and marriage to be, and I promise it will be you changing not them it will be 100% about changing you.
The funny thing about this whole thing looking back over the years the one person who God wanted to change was me. Sometimes you might ask yourself. Why does it have to be me that needs to change? Why do I always have to be the one to change? The one thing I tell myself whether it is true or not is that "Hey you are better at change! And more of a risk taker so naturally it has to be you who changes first. Because the person willing to risk changing them is the bigger gambler. One of my favorite sayings is GO BIG OR GO HOME! So Go big Go for the change.
It is a very humble thing when God starts to place you on the refiner’s
firer or on the potter’s wheel and begins to mold you. Honestly, I know Paul talks about counting it
all joy through trails. I think that man must have one good direct line to God
and has to be on an IV drip of Prozac, Clear Mood or something. Sure looking back on different trails I can
honestly say. They were for my good and made me a stronger and better person
today. I am all for praising through the
storm, but I also give myself permission to be human and know God is going to
love me through it. Having three girls in the family I have often been occussed of having a house full of drama. I always think to myself, well YEA!!! I mean we all have a Heavenly Father and if you don't think He would take the Oscar for BEST ACTOR and Best Drama well I am going to go on a limb and say you probably have not read the bible lately. So yes Drama does run in our family!
About a month later after receiving my book Power of the Praying Wife my mother-in-law gave me another book by
Dr Laura. How to Properly Feed and Nurture Your Husband. It was at that moment that I realized it was
not her son she was trying to change it was ME. I know all you daughter- in- laws
out there are starting to think if my mother- in -law did that she would not be stepping a foot in
my house and be thinking you need to call 911 or the Crazy Wagon. But honestly I know 100% that my mother in law was not trying to
Change me she was being that Titus 2 Woman we are called too. She was trying to pass on to me the biblical principals of what a wife should be. I am grateful for
my relationship with both my mom and my mother-in-law. They both in their own way encourage me and
teach me how to strive to be a godly women which in return has been passed down
to the next generation my girls. Praise God for those Titus 2 Women God has brought into my life to encourage me.
I can say it is probably a miracle that my man
stayed with me, and Rielly still listens and ask for advice. But we have all grown up a lot and I love that HE is the one person that can sharpen me more than any individual Cort knows the good, the bad and the ugly and still chooses to love me, and that is enough for me. I can't tell you a day that child has not spoken some type of truth into my life.
Now before you
start sending me messages of you are worthy of him and you are a great mother,
lalalal and etc. Please know that I do not think I am not a good mother and I
know 159% that we were the best thing that happened to each other, and that I
truly have given birth too not just one legend but three. But the bottom line as wives and moms and even
just as humans the only control and person we can change is the very one we
are scared to change, and that is the exact person that needs the change. Yea you know it. IT is US!
Trust me! I might have missed my calling as a drill sergeant
in the army. I have an act some might even call it a passion for helping others
be the “BEST THEY CAN BE” whether it is shoving it down their face or drilling
it in with the act of what I like to say “encouraging you to be all you can be”
however no matter how I like to dress it up it all comes down to two things.
1. Control
2. Nagging
So where do we go from here. How do we pass on to
our girls and our boys that it is ok to encourage, but there is a fine line and
so easy to step over into Controlling or Nagging, and if you are two first born
married to each other you know the
desire to lead, be perfect at everything and control is even a harder battle to overcome in your marriage.
The lesson that I feel we all can take and will
always be learning as long as we live is this:
When we have the desire to step in and nag or become
controlling to those we love or our friends we have to do these things.
Replace nagging
with prayer. (Not with: “Lord,
change him or her!” “Why are my kids not picking it up, I told them 800 times
already” But with replace the nagging with a simple easy prayer of:
Lord change me. Help me
love. Strengthen me to show unconditional love. Give me Your grace. Give me
Your wisdom. Give me your Peace.”)
Leave the room or conversation if possible or
appropriate. (Don’t even give
yourself a chance to get the words out!)
Change what you can control: your response.
I tend to go straight into the OH MY WORD level. So this one is become huge test. I sometimes
have to repeat over and over. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean
not on your own understanding.
Counting to 10 is
another thing that is working well for me.
My two cents of the day
is:
Don’t kid yourself the ONLY person you can change is
yourself. God never called us to any type of control except that of SELF
CONTROL!
Tiffany
