Really! I got THIS!

I have always had that attitude underlying thought in my head that tells me “I can do it by myself”. I mean seriously when it comes to certain things you just don’t want anyone doing them because they just can’t do it like you.  SURPRISE!!! I do have some OCD tendencies.  Growing up I had a great life. I had parents who taught me at a young age to strive for what you want and you can do anything no one can stop you. My dad and mom  are both first born and if they wanted to do something by golly they did it. It was wonderful. Our family was always known by they can get the job done those Walkers can do anything they put their minds too, and on top of that we would knock it out of the park.  So when I say it is deeply rooted in me that I have an attitude of “I can do it all by myself” it is deeply rooted in my heritage.  While don’t get me wrong when I use this thought patter for the things of God it brings about Massive Change, but like any gift or characteristic used the wrong way can be destructive.

Last night, I could not sleep I was up until 1:30 am working on some gift baskets, but there was this irritation keeping me for going to bed. When I finally crawled in the bed late last night I tossed and turned. I could not sleep. I started praying the normal prayer. OH God make our family one that seeks you, Keep us protected for any outside influences that would try to destroy us. Holy Spirit come into this house and fill each one of us.  Let the girls have a passion for the things of you. Finally, I went to bed, but there was still some frustration and tons of anxiety from a discussion that Cort and I had earlier, and the funny thing about it is I should not have had any frustration or anxiety about it.

The conversation was that of Cort coming into my office, that precious man was interested in what I was working on and asking if we had a plan with the baskets I was working on.  I feel now that  He wanted to be a part of what I was doing, yet instead of letting him. I  went down the road of well he thinks I can't do it alone, he thinks I am dumb. Does he not see I am trying! When in reality  he just wanting to help me succeed. 

Why is it that I immediately took on that “I can do it all by myself” mentality unknowingly? Now granted never in a million years last night could I tell you that the stress, anxiety and frustration was coming from me trying to do it all by myself. Instead of allowing Cort to help out.  Because I was so focused on the task of getting the job done and no one could do it like me.  I told Cort, " I was stressed and just had no clue what the plan was.  He kindly  giggled and said, “Tiff, put things in perspective.” 

 That one phrase I chewed on mentality all night. Really?  I woke up kind of with the same feeling of frustration, but also with anxiety which was causing me to be more short.  Which was making me frustrated at my self for screwing it up. Why could I not get this right?  I can do this! I kept telling myself. 

 While Cort woke up, all smiles and giggles he even busted a move this morning to one of his favorite songs. Just one of the many things I love about my man! Because he will never know how he makes me take my mind off the craziness by just being him.   It was not until I was doing the dishes and praying this prayer. 

"God I don’t want to be angry I don’t want to feel this way. Can you help me! I need to hear your voice! I need direction and clarity! HOW DO I DO THIS??? "

Then I heard the whisper of God say, “Well, then Tiff. Let’s put it in perspective."  

WHAT!!!! "Are you and Cort like on the same page? Why did you use that phrase? I know it is not news to you that I tossed all night because of those 5 words!" Wait! I mean of course I was not yelling at God that would be so unlike me. Since my prayer was God please help me.

 Just as gentle as before I heard, "You think you can do it all by yourself. How about trust? You think you can do it all because allowing someone else to come in and do it means a delay which means you have to exercise patience and trust.” is what I felt the Lord say. 

Then  I responded, “Right! I hate delay if I do it, then it gets done, I have peace knowing it was done and well I can move on.” 

  “I understand that Tiffany, but  this I can do it all by myself mentality takes me out of the picture.” 

Those words, thoughts, inspiration whatever you want to call that conversation I had  hit me  like a ton of bricks. First of all, that phrase that had me feeling anxiety and frustration last night was repeated this morning to me, yet the rest of it came.   How many times as wife and mothers do we think we can do it better than our husbands?  TOO MANY!  When the truth of the matter is we need them.  We need their protection, their wisdom, their companionship, their help parenting and their love.  When we take on that attitude of “I got this by myself” we take God out of the picture. 

But the bigger thing I believe God is teaching me right now and I wanted to share it is. That I tend to take up that attitude because I do not like the delay I like results, but through the delay will come the correct results. The lasting results, the direction and guidance. 

I hope this helps some of you girls out today!

 So my Two Cent’s Worth  today is this:  Do not despise Help. Our help comes from the Maker of Heaven and Earth. Without him the lasting change the mountain moving experiences we desire will never come. The delays are there because God is teaching us to depending on him and because he is a God of Perfect Timing! Each person is unique and we need each other